Go Forth to Fox, Young Conan: Why The Tonight Show Was Never a Good Fit

Conan, you’ve already got the old Tonight Show on your résumé. Congrats. Now go start the next Tonight Show on Fox. Bring back the masturbating bear, Vomiting Kermit, and whatever other weird ideas you have kicking around your red-maned noggin, the kind that you could never unleash on Tonight’s geriatric following or its gilded legacy. Launch in the fall, and don’t worry about besting Leno or Letterman in the ratings. You won’t. But you can shrug off the heavy mantle of the Hallowed Gig and get busy reinventing the form. Call the new show simply Conan. And when you’re ready to retire, Carson style, you can sit back and watch as the next generation of young comedians engage in backstabbing and palace intrigue to land the hallowed Conan gig.